What’s Next?

You wake in the morning and realize your alarm clock didn’t go off so you’re already an hour behind schedule. You jump up for a quick shower and discover your partner is running both the dishwasher and the washing machine. Suffering through the luke warm trickle of water, you hurry downstairs and pour the last of the cold coffee into your travel mug. Drop the mug while fumbling for your keys, car won’t start, the delayed start means traffic is thick and slow. The phone rings and the caller id says it’s your ex. “Fuck, why me?” you ask any god caring enough to listen.

Have you ever had one of those days? Have you ever wondered what else could go wrong? Of course the next logical questions you might find yourself asking are “why me?” or “what did I do to deserve this?” In all honesty, I know I sometimes do.

My wife and I recently received some very scary health news. It’s the kind of news that might have people shaking their fist at an empty heaven or cursing an uncaring god. How dare you do this to me, your faithful servant and advocate! What, my faith wasn’t obvious so you feel you have to test me like this? Of course, others may take the exact opposite approach and acknowledge that all things are for the greater good of the divine plan. What would you have me do, lord? Let my faith in you through my suffering bear witness of your love.

I’m not fully versed on the 7 stages of grief/coping but I know my own feelings and mindset is going to change as time passes. Right now I’m in a “What’s next” mode. We have the plan, we follow the plan, what’s next in the plan. I know this is not a curse from holy or corrupt powers. I know it’s not a test of my faith in the biblical sense. I know neither of us did anything to deserve this. It’s a disease, nothing more and nothing less.

Still, it does give me a chance to practice what I preach. The last couple of days I have literally been drained body and soul from worrying about worse case scenarios. I have proven the truth behind my own belief that it takes too much effort to have a bad day. Worrying changes neither the plan nor the outcome. The only thing worry affects is my ability to enjoy life in all its wonder and majesty. Yes, that’s easier said than done. Believe me, I know how hard it is to shrug off the shadow of fear and all the accompanying shades of anger and hate. As hard as it is, it is easier than living under the weight of that fear, anger and hate. I remember a picture of the Christ I once saw when I was a good little Mormon boy. “I never said it would be easy”, it said on the left side. “I only said it would be worth it”. In my world, in my life, it is worth every ounce of my strength to fight off the despair caused by this challenge because I lose everything by surrendering to it.

So, instead of why me or what did I do, I will start asking what’s next. Is that the best you got? Bring it, one at a time or all at once. I stand ready, seven staves in hand, to fight off everything you throw at me. I hold the high ground. I have an army AND the mother fucking Hulk at my back, what do you have? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Yep, it’s gonna be a 7 Wands kind of year.

To be or not to be Charlie

It’s taken a couple days for me to analyze my thoughts on the tragic events in Paris and the subsequent out pouring of solidarity and condemnations. I wasn’t sure I was even going to write about this until first thing this morning when I finally reached the point where I feel I have something to say.

I will qualify the following comments by saying the only Charlie Hebdo art, and I use that term in the broadest of definitions, I’ve seen are the pics bouncing around Facebook and the few images I could track down on Google. I don’t read French but the artist were pretty good about getting their message across in any language. So let’s start there.

What little I did see was crude and offensive to everyone. There, I said it. And yes, they (Charlie Hebdo) take pride in being an equal opportunity offender targeting all religions, faiths, and cultures equally. Good for them. So what they’re saying is they are just plain rude to everyone.

In a nutshell, I think Charlie Hebdo is a sensationalist rag with the sole purpose of pissing in peoples faces just for the fun of it and dressing it up as social commentary. I don’t have to like it, I don’t have to read it, it has zero affect on me.

But here’s the thing. They were allowed, presumably by law, to do that. I don’t know the freedom of speech rules in France so let’s stick to our own expectations of free expression for now. I fully support freedom of expression. In theory, everyone be they saint or sinner, rich or poor, educated or ignorant has the right to say what they want without fear of governmental retribution. I’m ok with that. There is nothing, however, that requires me to agree with or like what is being said. That’s the other side of the freedom of speech token. I also don’t expect everyone, or anyone for that matter, to like or agree with what I say or in this case what I am saying. That’s fair enough.

Now, let’s move on to the weak willed, cowardly fucks with egos so fragile that a stupid cartoon strip about their faith needs to be avenged with gunpowder and bloodshed. I echo the sentiment being expressed world wide. If your god/goddess/gods are so threatened by childish drawings or insults that they command you to go kill, it may be time to either seek professional mental health or start interviewing replacement deities. I mean really guys. If someone makes fun of Abraham or Moses you don’t see masked Jews storming office buildings. Christians don’t call for a crusade when Peter or Paul are ridiculed. Insults to Joseph Smith Jr. or Brigham Young are not answered by Mormon suicide bombers. And the vast majority, just short of all, Muslims are just as appalled by the loss of life over something as inconsequential as a cartoon. Take note that we’re not talking about insulting God, just his chosen mouth piece. Also please understand I know every religion has innocent blood in their history but that can be tabled for a different conversation.

I am not Charlie. While I support their right to publish what they do and may even agree with some of their opinions, I do not approve of the method used to deliver that message. At the same time, I shame and condemn using that method to justify any act of violence.

So, in closing, my heart goes out to all the families that were affected by this tragedy, and yes that includes the innocent families of the gunmen. I am grateful for those who put themselves in harms way in an effort to bring the gunmen to justice.

Rededicating

I have been terribly remiss in many things related to the topic of this blog. Not the least of which is actually posting. Looking back, my last entry was way back in August.

If truth were to be told, I have not been feeling up to the spirit of intent of this document for a while. I have allowed myself to become largely disconnected from communities I once participated in. I have neglected a number of traditions and rituals that always made me feel closer to the heart of the divine. Hobbies that once inspired my creativity and motivated my productivity have been shelved for various reasons. I wouldn’t say that I am numbing but I definitely feel far less connected to my spiritual center than I am accustomed.

So, what’s a man to do about it?

I could continue to reminisce about the good old days and scratch my head wondering where I lost track of my chosen path. Sure, that’ll work. Maybe, if I’m lucky, the path will wander back around and magically slide under my feet again. Let’s be real. No one who gets lost ever finds themselves by standing still waiting for the ah ha moment for the path to suddenly reappear before them. If you are standing motionless in the middle of a dark tunnel and a light suddenly appears, odds are it’s a train.

I could call it quits and accept the fact that I’ve lost my way. Why go forward? I’ll just hunker down here, build a nice home in the middle of the dark and dreary woods and make this my new reality. I’m sure after enough time has passed I’ll forget what I came from and where I was hoping to get. It would be like I’ve been here from the beginning and will be here until the end.

No, let’s be real if only to myself. Neither of those options make me feel like the man I want to be. That leaves only one option; move forward.

I will either rediscover the path I had originally followed or I will forge a new path.

So this is my re-dedication oath;

1) I promise to do something every day. It may not be the right thing, but it is far more desirable and productive than doing nothing. This could be photography, writing, reading (cards or books), mediating, shooting (bow or guns) or anything else that brightens my spirit.

2) I will not see shortcomings as failures. Success is rarely achieved on the first attempt.

3) I will set goals for myself and take steps toward reaching them.

4) I will allow myself the freedom to explore and redevelop my connection with the greater good.

And this starts now.

15 years in one company. Almost 4xlonger than any other job in my life

On August 2, 1999, I showed up for my first day of training/work at AT&T. At that point it was just another in a long string of jobs, most of which had about a 4 year shelf life before I got bored, realized I sucked at what I was doing, or just decided I wasn’t happy and moved on. It all resulted in the same thing, time to find a new job. I remember when I first got the job an unemployed friend of mine said he didn’t see as a customer service person and asked what kind of work I like to do. My answer then was “I don’t LIKE to work. I work because I have a mortgage and bills and all of those other things grown up adults have”.

I’m not sure when I grew up between now and then but I did. What kind of work do I like? Let me tell you…

When I was in the first stages of what is now my career, I liked interacting with our customers in helping them understand everything from billing to troubleshooting. It was hard and demanding work balancing metrics like handle time and FCR (I don’t remember it being called that at the time) but it was work that I enjoyed. I spent a few years being what I called a “permanent temporary” backing up teams for Pocketnet, Resolution Desk and Odyssey (fixing failed orders in Seibel) before fixing my sights on QA.

It took me three tried to get hired to the QA/CE team. In fact, my first time there was another temp fill in place. I remember getting the call to fill in while I was recovering from a surgery so I’m sure I sounded pretty doped up on pain killers when the initial “Hey, wanna come work with us for a while?” call came from Kristin Meadows. Remember how I mentioned that my average job like span was about 4 years? Yeah. I spent about 8 years working on that team. The best part of that job was interacting with new and tenured representatives to help them understand how little things like using the customers’ names and knowing how to effectively use the available resources made a world of difference to the person they were speaking with.

But time goes one as it always will. A line from one of my favorite bands says “Changes aren’t permanent, but change is”. As so it goes…

When the corporate decision to close down the internal QA/CE teams came down, there was a lot of nervous uncertainty between my peers and me. We spent months doing fill in reports and research projects wondering if we were going to have a job at the end of each month. As it turns out, every one of the 12 people on my team were given the opportunity to start fresh in a better place.

I landed close to where I am now working, for my first time, on a project management team under Laura O’Brien. I will be honest now that it is a year and more behind me. I was out of my comfort zone and maybe even a little bit floundering. Laura and the rest of my team were very supportive and worked hard to keep me afloat while I worked through my learning curve and I was ALMOST there when the Great Reorg came. I’m a firm believer in things like Destiny, Fate, and Grand Design. A friend once told me that a coincidence was “god’s” way of staying anonymous.

So, coincidentally, I ended up here working with Liz Krotter on an M&P team. One thing you might want to know is that while I was in QA/CE, I lived and breathed MyCSP every hour of every day. What better place to end up than a team that writes, edits, and maintains MyCSP articles?

Anyway, here I am now celebrating my 15th year at a company that:
1. Invested in my training and development
2. Paid for a major gastric surgery
3. Paid to adopt two wonderful children
4. Taught me not to be satisfied with “doing my job and collecting my pay”
5. Provided me the training, resources, and leadership to progress from a wage slave to someone who can actually envision retiring after decades of service.

There have been a lot of personal, spiritual, professional, and emotional changes in my life in the past 15 years but there has also been one constant guiding constellation of stars. I’m happy with what I do. I’m happy with the people I work with on a day to day basis. I’m happy with the overall commitment and performance of my company. And, most importantly, I’m happy with both the time I’ve spent getting here and the prospects of where I can go in the future.

And who could ask for more than that?

Science v Religion

One day long ago I heard something about the reason some tall trees shed the lower limbs and branches as they grow. As I recall it had to do with requiring more energy to keep those branches alive than the energy produced due to the reduction of the exposure of the sun on the leaves. It makes sense on a biological level when you think about it. The upper branches cut off the sunlight to the lower branches thereby limiting the energy produced through photosynthesis from those lower branches. Once a certain balance in the equation is reached, the tree does what trees do, shed the dead weight.

Some time later, and so long ago now, I was walking with my beloved son through the park. He was about 8 or 9 if I recall. By that point I had left the LDS church and was pretty early on my current spiritual path. I pointed out the trees around us and explained the afore mentioned principle. Then I asked him if he thought it was because the trees “learned” to do this on their own (natural selection) or because they were “taught” to this by a divine being (intelligent design).  He thought about it for a few minutes, a few minutes that made me one proud dad of a thoughtful young boy, and said that he thought it was probably the long process of natural selection. Then he turned the tables on me and asked what I thought. I didn’t have to think. I think, I told him, that the fact that it took a long time for the trees to start doing that was part of the divine plan from the beginning.*

In the words of Ron White, I tell you that story to tell you this story.

There is an ever increasing divide between those who adhere to a faith based creation and those who follow a view of life supported by science. As one can expect in any debate that has only two options, the two sides are mutually exclusive. According to the “experts”, you can not simultaneously believe in intelligent design and natural selection. Equally as predictable the loudest voices are on either end of the debate and  tend to drown out everything in the middle. Billy Nye** “preaches” that if you’re teaching your kids that the earth was created in six days you’re raising an intellectual moron while Ken Ham warns that if you believe in “evolution” you’re going to BURN IN HELL GETTING ASS FUCKED BY SATAN!@

I stand in the middle. I believe in a divine authority. You can call him AND her by any name you choose. You can have faith that everything past present and future is in their divine plan or you can believe, as I do, that they are there to stand us back up when we fall flat on our faces. I also believe that they are bound by the physical laws they helped design. I have faith that any true miracle in any religious text will, in due time, be able to be recreated by science once we have attained that level of understanding of the laws that govern our universe. Like it’s been said, yesterday’s witchcraft is today’s science.

The problem today isn’t that gods and science are mutually exclusive. The problem is that ancient man, having no idea how either science or gods work, decided to codify how god and science worked. The fact that we, so many hundreds of thousands of years later, are allowing a collection of letters and laws penned by largely uneducated farmers and shepherds polarize us so dramatically show that we really haven’t “evolved” as far as we’d like to think we have.

The bottom line here is that there is room for both concepts, gods and science, in a person’s life as I will illustrate.

My dog, Molli, fell terribly ill recently. She’d managed to get a piece of raw fish that ended up poisoning her (re salmon poisoning http://www.vetmed.wsu.edu/cliented/salmon.aspx among others). I am a priest and live with a priestess. My wife has done extensive research on this subject before it intercepted our life. If I were to follow the above model, my options were to either pray for a miracle or seek medical treatment. Lucky for me, I don’t follow the above model. While one could argue that the meds alone would have been enough to get Mo through it, I personally relied on my faith in the divine to get ME through it. I am reminded of a principle demonstrated in the LDS miracle of the sea gulls (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miracle_of_the_gulls). Pray like everything depends on god and work like everything depends on you. Of course, the cynic may point out that this is just a version of the prisoner’s dilemma (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prisoner%27s_dilemma) but luckily I’m not a full blown cynic. @@

Depending on which side one chooses, man has been either gifted with or developed the capacity to learn many great and wonderful things. The specific canon that one follows does not, in any way, detract from this fact. The only distraction is the constant heated debate over why one side is right and therefore the other side is wrong.

I personally don’t care if someone believes or does not believe in a divine authority. What bothers me the most is when people on either side of the debate are so solidly entrenched or indoctrinated in their opinion that the two courses of action they have when they meet someone of the opposite camp is to convert or defend. I get it, you’re a Christian and take the Bible at face value. And yes, I see that you are an atheist that has scientific proof that faith in god is equivalent to believing in Superman. Big fucking deal to both of you! My life needs a loving and kind god and goddess to comfort me AND a brilliant doctor and scientist to cure me. And I like my world way more than a world without both.

*these are over simplified snapshots of our conversation for the purpose of illustration

**I have the upmost respect for Bill Nye who has worked tirelessly to make science cool and fun to the next generation

@I’m sure they didn’t say this but I’m prevaricating to prove a point

@@Mo did, in fact, recover quickly as soon as we got her on the correct meds

New Year’s Eve was the final barrier

It’s the brink of a new year. This is that wonderful time when we, as individuals and as a whole, get to look back on what we did last year. At the same time, we get to look forward to what we, as individuals and as a whole, want to accomplish in the coming year. We write the varied news letters reporting on 2013 and we make pledges of what we will work on for 2014. I’m sure we can all look back and see that some of our resolutions were met while others fell short. It is hard for me to believe that anyone met all of their goals unless, of course, their goals were simplistic and didn’t present real challenges for growth. I’m equally as incredulous that anyone failed in all of their goals unless said goals were so unrealistic as to be within the realm of science fiction or fantasy in the first place.

 

As for me, I generally abstain from the traditional ritual of casting new year’s resolutions. Yes, there are things I want to accomplish in the coming new year but for me there are just too many new years in a single year. I make a daily resolution to live tomorrow better, happier and kinder than I did today.

 

Every day is the first day of a new year. Our birthday is the first day of a new year of our life. Each solstice or equinox is the first day of a new solar cycle. The day a farmer plants his crop for the next season is a new year, a new cycle. Tax day, first day of school, wedding anniversaries, first date anniversaries are all the first day of a new year.

 

Don’t get me wrong. I think it’s wonderful that we get together and celebrate the turning of another page on the calendar. New Year’s Day is among the few holidays that gets truly global recognition. What better time to stand together at the edge of midnight and rejoice that we have collectively strung together another 365 consecutive days of surviving our daily grind and struggle, as individuals and as a whole?

 

I just want everyone to remember that every day gives us the chance to begin anew the things we long for, dream of, race toward and embrace. Happy new year, every day, from me to all of you.

 

Rev. Dave Alverson,

Coyote WalkingTall

Yule statement 2013

This is usually the time of year I get to take a few minutes to share and compare how I celebrate the holidays with my friends and co works. Typically I describe a particular tradition practiced today and try to trace it back to its origins. It is always my intent that by doing this I can help others explore what we have in common thereby dispelling the illusion of difference.

 

Today, I feel moved to share a completely different kind of message. I’ve heard the phrase “War on Christmas” tossed about social media of late. As one would expect, a statement like this has a tendency to divide people into polarized camps. Traditional Christians feel that society is trying to remove faith and doctrine from a sacred holiday. Neo Pagans are quick to remind everyone who will listen that the traditions of Christmas were stolen from a wide range of non-Christian practices. Atheists thumb their noses at any foolish celebration of what is scientifically impossible. Lines are drawn in the snow/sand, sides are chosen and insults fly like snowballs on a playground.

 

It’s like people are afraid to wish others “Merry Christmas”. Schools are doing away with decorating. Charity organizations set up “giving trees”. Even “Season’s Greetings” is drawing stern rebuke for being insensitive. I can understand the reflexive reasoning for this. Not everyone celebrates Christmas.

 

I think about my own history with Christmas.

 

I was raised in a non denominational Christian church. Christmas was two things when I was growing up. It was the celebration of the birth of Christ and therefore deserved reverence. It was also a time to bond with friend, family and neighbor which meant gatherings and gifts. We sang both sacred hymns and silly commercial holiday songs and embraced both aspects of Christmas.

 

Later, I joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints, the Mormons. I’ll bet you didn’t know that the LDS church holds that Christ was born in the spring. There’s plenty of biblical reference to it and it makes sense when it’s explained. Still, do you know what the church does on December 25? They celebrate Christmas! Sure, Jesus was born in April but December 25 has become the date that society recognizes as the time to celebrate. What good is served by a missionary based church scoffing the traditions of the people you are trying to serve? Right, none.

 

Now I’m a Pagan. I celebrate the rebirth of the Sun by staying awake and keeping a fire burning the night of the winter solstice. You know what I do on December 25^th? I celebrate Christmas! Why, because it’s a time I get to be with family and friends and help honor what is important to them for whatever reason.

 

You see, the fact that this person believes the Christ was born in December or that person doesn’t think that Christ ever existed does not change my own spirituality. The fact that I believe that the Goddess gives birth to her son, the sun, on the longest night of the year has zero effect on the faith of millions of Christians around the world.

 

So wish me a Merry Christmas if you feel so moved. I promise I won’t be offended. In fact, I would be honored to share in your joy of the season regardless of the reason. Invite me to Hanukkah, it would be my honor to share in your remembrance of something holy to you. And if I wish you a Blessed Yule, know that I wish you nothing more or less than a wonderful and safe winter.

 

Let this be our prayer; May the spirit of love and joy abide in the hearts of all that we as a world will learn to love and be joyous at all times, in all places and with all people.

Remembering it all

I put this off for a couple days so it wouldn’t interfere with other people’s 9/11 memorials. Now it’s my turn.

 

I think it’s safe to say that the general slogan or catch phrase we saw most often on Facebook, the flawless gauge of public opinion, was “never forget”. Sadly, I also saw one that added “never forgive” but I’ll save commenting on that venomous outlook for another day. For now, I want to point out a few things we should also not forget.

 

Don’t forget that the 9/11 attacks were used to excuse a handful of powerful, greed men to conduct a war in two countries for the purpose of war profiteering.

 

Don’t forget that, in an attempt to prevent further terrorist attacks, this same group of men demanded access to personal information from communication companies without a warrant.

 

Don’t forget that, under the same pretense of keeping us safe, travel restrictions were put in place ranging from limiting what could be carried on a plane to who could and could not fly.

 

Don’t forget that we felt justified in using foreign prisons and torture in our “war against terror”.

 

And where are we 12 years later?

 

We are still being fed a steady diet of fear and loathing so that there are still too many of us that see a terrorist in every Muslim or anyone who remotely look Arabic.

 

There are still people in prison that will never come to trial but who have no hope of ever getting out.

 

Our government is still spying on EVERYONE, friends enemies and citizens alike, looking for the ever present terrorist threat.

 

So yes, by all means, never forget the thousands of lives that were affected by this cowardly attack but never forget what we willingly gave up and allowed to happen in response.

The harvest of Lugh

Today is Lammas or Lughnasa. This is the when the first harvest is brought from the wheat fields and we begin the process of preparing for the coming winter. Here we are in the middle of summer with weeks of promising weather and time to do the things we want to do before the nights turn longer and colder. Working all day in the field is not what we want to do but consider this. The wheel does not stop turning. Autumn is in sight and behind that the long, dark cold winter. If we don’t get the crops in now we will soon be out of time. So work we must and work we will.

Most of us are no longer tied to the cycles of the crops like our forefathers were. Even in the depths of winter all we need to do to feed ourselves is brave a trip to our local corner grocer. It’s to be expected that we lose that sense of urgency that comes with sowing and reaping.

What can we do in our busy urban lives to remember what used to be a key factor of our survival? We are still and will always be farmers. Every day, we sow seeds. We make plans for the future, be they short term or long. We tend and nurture those plans from germination to harvest. While it is true that these seeds are not dependent upon a particular growing season, they still have a very specific life cycle. 

Today is a good day to remember that we still have crops in the field. Today is a good day to plan for the day when we run out of time to fulfill our dreams, to reap what we have so carefully sown. Today we put our hands and backs into the work of preparing for our future. And when the sun goes down on the day, light a fire and keep working.

The measure of a man

There are many perceptions of good and evil. Some are our own unique definition based on our individual experience, up bringing and moral structure. Others are based on what society identifies as acceptable or unacceptable behavior. It’s entirely possible that two people or cultures can look at a person and judge them on diametrically opposed ends of the spectrum of righteousness. I cite Vlad Tepes, the infamous Vlad the Impaler accepted to be the historical inspiration of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, as an example. It is a simple thing to consider this man evil based on his behavior during a particularly bloody period of the region’s history. In his home town, however, he is still held as a national hero, the leader that defended his people from every enemy that dared threaten them.

 

We all know that no man or woman is as easy as black or white. If you want to really test you perception of right and wrong try this exercise. Pick any historical monster, mad man, depot or villain. Think of everything you know or have been told about that person that makes that person the evil son of a bitch he (or she) is. You got that clear in your head? Now try this. See that person doing something we would call good. Imagine that monster lovingly kissing the forehead of his or her baby as they read a bed time story. Did that break your brain yet?

 

Ok, try this. Pick a saint or hero that we accept as the personification of righteous deeds. Remember how they saved the world from a great evil or otherwise contributed to the welfare of the human race. Right. Now see that person raising a voice in anger because their child spilled milk or with holding their compassion based on personal weakness.

 

Society, history and media will create heroes and villains as required to suit their needs. Heroes can do no wrong and villains have no soul. It’s right or wrong, black or white. We need people to hold up as standard bearers as much as we need the serpent beneath their heel. In that need, however, we lose our depth perception.

 

Is it possible that the worst of us have some redeeming quality, some potential for good? Is it equally possible that the best of us have things we shamefully hide in the deepest closets of our soul?

 

When I was a good little Mormon boy I learned a scripture from the Doctrines and Covenants (the book of prophesies from Joseph Smith Jr.) “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.” D&C 64:10

 

There is a lot of anger over a lot of things going on in the world right now. Right now many of us are drawing lines in the sand and painting our brothers and sisters as either monster or saint. Let us not lose sight that standing in judgment is a very specific calling that should carry with it a heavy responsibility. I hope I’m never asked to judge another and until I am, I will do my best to follow what I believe to be the truth. I will forgive all.